I don't know why it took me so long to realise it. I had signs and experiences that screamed "STOP ALL TIES WITH ALCOHOL!!" There were blantantly in my face and I whole-heartedly ignored them. Let's count them down shall we?
1) My mom's dad was an alcoholic.
2) My best friend almost died in my arms because of alcohol poisoning.
3) Another good friend got so drunk that he threw up for 30 minutes, while he was still in my car.
4) Every time I've ever been completely smashed I've thrown up and made myself look like a complete idiot in front of random strangers and my best of friends.
5) I've lost many very close friendships over the stupidest shit revolving around alcohol.
A few months ago I went on a camping trip with my 2 best friends at the time; Brandon and Dillon. Brandon's girlfriend Tony tagged along with her friend who I absolutely couldn't stand to be around for more than 10 minutes or I'd start slamming my head against trees. Very, very long story short; Dillon and Brandon were so drunk they had convinced themselves that I was the reason that nothing went right that whole trip. They eventually got kicked out of the campsite because they were so loud and obnoxious, and left beer cans strewn about the campsite. And guess who got to drive ALL the way back to the campsite after I'd gone home, so that I could pick up THEIR bill? Yeah, that's right; Me.
But tonight was the final, goddamn, straw.
My really close friend Matt and I drink together quite often. Since I stopped smoking, I started drinking more, already there's a flaw somewhere in my logic. Shortly after getting off work, Matt calls me and wants to do something. I tell him I have $5 on some drink and he has $5 as well. Pick up Matt, drive to the convenient store and get the brews, and we're off. Lately we've been drinking under a bridge near my house because it's remote, it's dark, and it's safe. I didn't know this beforehand, but Matt doesn't like that spot anymore. So after we get at my house and park the car, Matt's phone rings. It's his friend Justin and Jordan, who have $30 and want to drink. For a little background, Justin and 2 of his homies one night, beat the SHIT out of Brandon because they were absolutely just hammered. There's #6 on my list. I also have to be up and functioning at 8:30 in the morning, tomorrow. So Justin keeps telling Matt that I should go buy them beer, and we'll all be merry and drink. That's fucking stupid. First of all, I don't want to drive like 10 minutes to get money, 10 minutes back to the convenient store, 10 minutes back to his homies place, drink for awhile, THEN DRIVE HOME DRUNK! I explained this to Matt very level headedly about 3 times. Matt kept telling me if I really didn't want to chill with Justin and Jordan (whom I really have and still have NO desire to drink with, let alone see with my retinas), that it would be cool and we'd just drink. I told him that I didn't want to drink with them 4 times and each time I told him that, he just got more upset and was like "Why?" "Why? It's better than drinking under a dark-ass bridge." "Why??" etc etc.
So after 25 minutes of this horse shit, I finally just give up and buy them alcohol with MY FUCKING GAS MONEY. After I buy their shit, we drive all the way to homie's house. I park, pop the trunk and hand Matt all the alcohol. Matt looks at me with a confused look. "So you're not gonna chill?" And I yell, "Dude! I went over this like 4 times in the car! I don't want to hang with your homie, he beat the shit outta mine for no reason!!" Then Matt storms off saying that he hopes I have fun being gay and a bunch of other mumbles and grumbles. So I'm officially done drinking for a very long time. It has done nothing but cause me bullshit and more bullshit.
Sorry for swearing so much, but I swear when I'm really angry. I'm heated, to say the least. Mostly because I think that I lost Matt as a friend. Matt is one of my few comrades at the moment, most of them have moved on because I don't smoke anymore or because they found someone who is more of a piece of shit than they are. *sigh*
I hate this fucking town, so much.